The Connie: We should put Hooligan on the roof of the car so his fur blows away in the wind.
Daughter: OK, Mitt Romney.
The Connie: What Mitt Romney.
Son-in-Law: Mitt Romney put his dog on the car roof once.
The Connie: No way Jose!
Son-in-Law: Yes way Jose.
The Connie: Well the Democrats eat dogs.
Daughter: That’s it. You’re not allowed to talk for the rest of the day.
[watching tv]
The Connie: Penang! Penang! Penang! Penang! Penang! Penang!!!!
Daughter: What are you talking about?
The Connie: Penang!
While The Connie may be the most ridiculous one I know, just about every Filipino mother is at least half crazy. This is a guest blog post from my friend…
[on the phone]
The Daughter: You called three times. Everything ok?!
The Mother: I wanted to tell you something, but I forgot. I will call you again or text you later when I remember.
[ten minutes later…]
The Mother: [text message] I remembered what I wanted to tell you. Its doughnut day. Go to Krispy Kreme and they give you a free doughnut!
[driving in the car…]
The Connie: What direction are we going?
Daughter: Towards my in-laws’ house, but ultimately we’ll be going North.
The Connie: So we’re going North South?
Daughter: That’s not even possible. We would be standing still if we were simultaneously going North and South.
The Connie: So we’re going South South North?
Daughter: Do you listen to yourself speak?
Son-in-Law: We’re going West West East North North South West East North.
The Connie: Thank you. See Sammy, he understands directions.
The Connie: Why do they call it a hit and run?
Daughter: Because you hit a person and then run off.
The Connie: The person runs off? But they just got hit.
Daughter: No, the driver runs off. Away from the scene of the crime.
The Connie: Dude. He’s in a car. Why doesn’t he just drive away?
Daughter: Well it’s not literal.
The Connie: Well, then they should call it a hit and drive.
The Connie: Sammy! Can I borrow a rubber?
Son-in-Law: What!?
The Connie: Sammy!! I need a rubber. Just the tip!
Son-in-Law: [whispering to Daughter] What the hell is she talking about!?
The Connie: Dude, I just need the tip of a rubber!
[The Connie refers to pencil erasers as rubbers, but Son-in-Law didn’t know that]
Sorry for the hiatus. The Connie was gone for a few weeks, but now shes back, and more entertaining than ever!
[watching a hockey game, The Connie is singing the Monday Night Football theme song]
The Connie: Duh nuh nuh, duh nuh naaaa! Yes dude! I like hockey now. It’s kinda cool!
Daughter: What are you singing? Is that the Monday Night Football song?
The Connie: It’s the sports song. For sports.
Daughter: No, it’s the Monday Night Football song.
Son-in-Law: Yeah, I think you’re right. She’s singing the Monday Night Football song?.
The Connie: Well… it’s Monday night so it’s ok. I can use it for another sport if I like.
The Connie: There was a building in Sammy’s school that had cadabras! And I thought, ew that’s gross dude! It’s so close to your class and there is cadabras!
Son-in-Law: Cadabras? What’s a cadabra?
The Connie: Cadabras! Like a cadabra for science.
Son-in-Law: Like abra-cadabra? Is it magical?
The Connie: No! Cadabra, like a mummy. Like a body…
Daughter: She means cadavers.
The Connie: Are you sure? I think it’s cadabras…
The Connie: What library should I go to? The big one or the little one?
Daughter: I have no idea. I don’t really go to the library.
The Connie: So which one? The one on the corner or the one on the avenue?
Daughter: I don’t know. The big one?
The Connie: Which one is that?
Daughter: I have no clue!
The Connie: Dude, you know nothing.