The Connie: Yeah dude, that’s why it was called the Cold War.
Daughter: Wait, why do you think it was the Cold War?
The Connie: Because the US was so powerful and like so “cool” that they made it like cold.
Son-in-Law: No. Not at all.
The Connie: Well, why then? Because Russia is cold?
[We put parental controls on certain TV stations]
The Connie: Sammy! The cable is broken!
Daughter: Why?
The Connie: It says I need a password to watch FoxNews.
Daughter: Well then I guess you can’t watch it.
The Connie: Dude! How do I get a news then? I don’t watch MSNBC!!
Daughter: There are plenty of other news channels to watch.
The Connie: But dude, that news is not correct.
The Connie: There is no Jewish.
Other Daughter: Really mom? Really?
The Connie: I was in the park today and an Indian man with a red head thing on stopped me. So I waved and he saw my hand and started to read my palm. But I don’t understand him. But he got everything right! He said, “it’s not your dog” and “you have two kids.” So it kinda freak me out and I say “OK, I’m going!”
Son-in-Law: That’s weird because I was talking to an Indian guy in the park this morning about you when i walked Hooligan.
The Connie: Really!? Maybe he’s related?
Son-in-Law: No, not really. Why would I talk to an Indian man in the park about you?
The Connie: Is Nic dating anybody?
Son-in-Law: She’s dating a Nobel-winning scientist.
The Connie: Dude, it’ll be like engi-NERD!!!
The Connie: Why are they throwing their hats? It’s like, they have no respect for anything.
Daughter: They got a “hat trick” and were celebrating.
The Connie: So what, they get a “drink trick” next and throw their drinks after?
Daughter: No, in hockey a “hat trick” is when a player gets three goals in a game. So then, to celebrate, the fans throw in a hat. Get it? Hat. Hat trick.
The Connie: No Way Jose! That’s expensive. I won’t throw my hat!
Daughter: You know, in Detroit, they throw an octopus on the ice.
The Connie: Where do they put it? In the ice box? So you have to bring an octopus in case? This game is weird, dude.
The Connie: You know, army wives switch husbands.
Daughter: Please don’t say things like that. It’s offensive to army wives. Some of my friends are army wives.
The Connie: But it’s true Sammy! I saw it on TV. It happens all the time!
Daughter: Are you sure you didn’t see one sensationalized story? About one case where that happened?
The Connie: Dude, it was on the news. It happens all the time!
Daughter: Are you sure it wasn’t that show on Lifetime called “Army Wives”?
The Connie: Oh, maybe.
The Connie: You have to go online and look at this thing. It shows you where all the sexual predators are.
Daughter: No thank you.
The Connie: But Sammy! You have to know who they are!
Daughter: Why? So I know not to go trick-or-treating at their house?
The Connie: Yes! Cause they will be like predator on you!
The Connie: Is Lois Lane still alive?
Daughter: Lois Lane isn’t real mom.
The Connie: Oh really? Well, I wanna be a Superwoman. And Hooligan will be my Superdog.
The Connie: I went to a Zumba class. And they told me I had to pop a booty. But I can’t do it cause I have no booty! Like, dude, I’m Asian!